


Can I Live Without Him?

by Tilly_Madison



Series: Ziam Oneshot [2]
Category: One Direction (Band), ziam - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Major character death - Freeform, References to Suicide, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-19
Updated: 2013-01-19
Packaged: 2017-11-26 02:34:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/645595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tilly_Madison/pseuds/Tilly_Madison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Continued from Liams point of view in ‘I Can’t Live Without Him’. Can Liam force himself to keep going if he no longer has Zayn in his life or will he end up joining him if he just can’t be saved. It has been three days since Zayn was rushed to hospital and Liam has still not allowed to see him. In the past three days he has been trying to decide what he will do if he looses Zayn and now he knows. Now all he needs to know is where Zayn plans on going.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can I Live Without Him?

**Author's Note:**

> This was written because apparently leaving people hanging was not okay...

Liam stood waiting to see if Zayns family would let him in to see him. He hadn’t so far but he really needed to see him, because if he wasn’t going to get better Liam needed to go through with his plan.  
He licked his lips they were dry and cracked. He could feel his body slowly sinking down, he was sat on the floor and his arms were wrapped round his legs. His breaths were becoming shaky and uncontrolled. He was getting closer and closer to having a panic attack. He started to zone out, his thoughts all about when he saw Zayn laying there covered in his own blood.  
He closed his eyes but all he could see was Zayn, the blood coating the tub and his skin. He hadn’t slept since that night, due to the fact that he could only see Zayn. It was like it was tattooed on the inside of his eyelids. He could feel tears falling down his face again, he really didn’t think he had any more tears left to fall but apparently he did and they were burning his face as they fell.  
They were for Zayn and the fact that it was definitely his fault that Zayn was here. He was here because Liam just knew he wasn’t strong enough and all he could do was hate himself for it. He scrubbed his hands over his freshly shaven head and looked over at the door, wishing that Zayns family would just let him to see him.  
Hearing the door open, his head sprang up and made an awful cracking noise that just seemed to echo. He looked franticly at the person at the door and was surprised by the soft look he received from a woman he could only see hating him. She had pretty much told him so, when he had ended things with Zayn.  
Looking up at her with puppy dog eyes that he hoped would get him into see Zayn, he opened his mouth to speak but instead had arms thrown round him. Frowning he looked to the side to see Zayns mum, he could feel her tears soaking into his shirt and her body shaking with tears. He kept his mouth shut, now knowing that by talking he would only make it worse and just held the small woman against him. Even when they were crouched down on the floor in a middle of the hospital, no one looked at them and no one said a word when they saw a woman clutching a teenage boy and crying into his neck.  
He felt her start to pull back, so loosening his hold and just looking at her he didn’t let another tear fall from his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he went to ask her something and instead was met with a sharp pain to his left cheek and a growl. Clutching his cheek and swallowing the bitter taste of the blood that was flooding his taste buds, he looked at her.  
“I would say thank you, but I can’t! This is your fault! My son wouldn’t have done this! It is YOUR fault that he is lying in that bed!” she pointed towards the door, where Liam could just see the white sheets on the bed with the shape of Zayn under them, “He would be at home! And not almost dead!” Her face was white but her cheeks held so much colour, he looked away and sighed softly.  
Looking back up at her he finally spoke, even though his lips were cracked and raw. “I know. I know he is here and it’s my fault.” He took a shuddery breath, “If I was stronger he would be okay. I’m sorry.” He said, forcing the tears to not fall.  
“Sorry…SORRY! You’re sorry! Well tough!” She said screaming at him and Liam just sat there taking it. He knew it wasn’t good enough. He knew he wasn’t good enough but he was going to sit here until he found out what was going to happen to Zayn.  
He needed to know. He needed to know whether or not he was ever going to see him again. He needed to know so he could decide what he was going to do.  
He stood there as she shook him, hit him and screamed. None of it really doing much. He just stood staring at the door. He can’t even remember standing up. His feet start to move under him and he stumbles. He can feel cool hands on him trying to pull him back.  
But he kept moving, like he was in a trance. He felt the cold hard wood against his hand and pushed. The door swung open.  
He saw the faces of Zayns family sat around him, they looked tired and pale. He looked down feeling so bad that this was his fault they all felt so bad because he had broken Zayns heart so badly. He watched as they looked up at him.  
But no one looked at him like Zayns mum had, they all seemed to understand his pain and just make it ten times worse than it already was.  
He walked towards the bed, Zayn was just laying there. He looked like he was sleeping. He touched his skin, it was warmer than the last time he touched it and it held a little more colour. He smiled thinking that at least he looked a little better than before.  
He felt a large hand rest on his shoulder and squeeze, turning slightly he saw Zayns dad. “We are going to leave you alone with him okay. It’s not your fault though. Remember that.” He whispered.  
Liam knew he must have heard what his wife had said, but he just couldn’t bring himself to listen to him. Not when he was looking down at Zayn.  
He moved to sit on the seat next to the bed, his hand holding Zayns. He did so gently, as he could see the bandages and the blood that had soaked into them. There were wires everywhere, weaving and going into Zayn in various areas.  
His eyes were wide when he saw that Zayn had cut through his tattoos, he closed his eyes and felt tears start to fall. He knew how much each and everyone meant to him. How each one held their own little memory, something that just made Zayn smile and Liam had caused him to cut through them.  
He ran his fingers along Zayns humming. He was humming a song that Zayn had sang to him for their first anniversary. He could still remember telling Zayn that, he loved him and how he would never leave him. He had broken that promise.  
Bending down so he was close to Zayns ear he whispered, “ Oh Darling, I love you so, if you asked me for my heart, there is no way I would say no.”  
He smiled as he felt Zayns hand twitch in his and continued to hum the song. He knew this song would help. Liam then swallowed the tears that threatened to fall and started to speak to Zayn.  
“I didn’t want to leave you, but I didn’t want my mum to keep saying about how I was a horrible person. How we were both going to be sent to hell. I didn’t want you to go there. She kept telling me how it was my fault. How I was going to end up dead because I loved you.” He pressed a kiss to Zayns temple and spoke again, “You know I broke up with Danielle. Yeah…I did it so we could get back together. I was on my way to yours to tell you. But then yeah…” he trailed off.  
He then just sat listening to Zayns breathing. Watching as his chest raise and fall, slow and steady. He watched as Zayns eyelids seemed to flutter and then his world seemed to stop, when a deafening flat line rang out.  
He felt his body being pulled up and shoved out the door. He watched as doctors and nurses swarmed round him. He watched as they shouted and tried to save Zayn.  
After what felt like hours they just stopped and Liams heart stopped with them. His breath became fast and he turned.  
Cold air hit his face. Wind whirled in his ears. His feet hit the floor. He can’t see where he is running too, till he reaches a wooden door. He falls through it. He stumbles up stairs, blind from the tears streaming down his face.  
He opens his door and sees it. Something he was hoping he wouldn’t need to use but was ready to. Sighing softly, he strips out of his clothes and puts on the ones he had been planning to wear when he next took Zayn on a date.  
Just jeans, a white t-shirt and an open shirt, he looked at his trainers and shrugged. Slipping them on he smiled softly.  
Liam reached out and grabbed the rope he had found only two days ago. He walked into the hall and tied it to the banister as tight as he could. Licking his lips he placed it round his neck. Tightening it he moved so he was standing on the other side. He looked down and then just let himself fall.  
Liam felt his body jerk and a shot of pain go through him, then just nothing.  
All he could see was black.  
He heard faintly familiar laughter and frowned. Opening his eyes he saw someone he never thought he would see again. A smile cracked across his face and he rushed forward, his arms wrapping around the boy in front of him. Pulling back slightly he pressed his lips to Zayns and let tears flow from his eyes.  
When their lips pulled apart, Zayn held his hand and pulled him towards a bush. Pushing through it Liam saw, their place and it was the same night from when Liam had first told Zayn he loved him. Sitting down he felt Zayn snuggle into his side and he smiled looking out at the sunset.


End file.
